Chicken Choices

I'm going to say it now, where there will be a public record of it: I will never EVER try McDonald's new "Chicken Selects" voluntarily.

First of all, I feel like punishing McDonald's for those obnoxious "stay away from my chicken selects" commercials (specifically the office ones, although the whole lot of 'em should be burned). If I ever meet the actor who starred in those commercials I will knock him flat out, I kid you not. He took a scripted role that was already bordering on violence inducing annoyance and exacerbated the issue with his poorly feined love for those amorphous lumps of "chicken". I've seen people pretending to be bad actorts who are better actors than him.

Aside from the bad acting, the premise of the commercials is rediculous. Who honestly defends their fast food products with such vigor? First of all, if you work in an office environment where people regularly steal your lunch, you've got a separate problem (one that involves a violent resolution IMHO, nothing deserves a beat down like stealing someone else's food). Second, if you're going to proclaim publicly that everyone should stay away from them, you can be damn sure everyone is going to try to take them from you. I know that in my office environment you'd be likely to find all of your 'oh so important' chicken selects tacked to the ceiling tiles.

However, while the commercials were enough to turn me off to MickyD's new synthetic food product, I have a more sufficient (and paranoid) reason for avoiding them. Quite frankly, the incessant tv commercials, ad campaigns, and other publicity work for the 'selects' has me thinking there's something nefariously wrong with them. Have you ever seen an ad campaign that was so actively pushed for a single food product? I've certainly seen campaigns for brands, restaurants, and other similar large scale items with this level of activity. . . . I've also seen ad campaigns for new food products at your favorite chain restaurant. . . . . but never have I seen this kind of large scale marketing for something that is only one item on what is a relatively large array of menu selections. In other words, I think they're putting something in the chicken selects.

What the nature is of the addition, I do not know. However, I feel that it is either something that is in some way rediculously addicting (a one shot and you're hooked type of item), or some sort of "seed" item that will eventually allow McD's to turn you into a mindless consumer zombie at some point. The free trial campaign only provides further credence to both of these theories.

As of yet, I do not know of any personal friends who have actually consumed any of these items and I have therefore been unable to ascertain which of the above theories is more likely. I do know that if one of them ever does turn into some sort of drooling 'selects' zombie, I'll be the first to provide the merciful shotgun blast to the head. It's the least I can do as a good friend.

Random Restaurant Generator

I'm a geek. While sometimes I try to hide the fact under fancy clothes and proper hygiene, the truth rears it's ugly head from time to time. The following is an example of one such instance of letting my geek flag fly:

So just last night Kerri and I ran into a problem most normal relationships have: the restaurant problem. Now if you have ever tried to go out to eat with other people (not necessarily just a S.O.) you've probably run into this problem before. In fact, the only people I can see not having this problem are (A) People in a master/slave relationship, (B) Clones (although that one's iffy), or (C) members of the borg.

The restaurant problem usually follows one of two forms. Type I is when no one can agree on where to go. The tendency for a Type I problem increases exponentially with the number of people in the group (ironically enough, so does the probability of a homicide as a result). Type II is when no one is willing to pick where to go. Kerri and I most often experience Type II issues, as I expect most couples do. It's a combination of (A) not wanting to step on your partner's toes, and (B) wanting the other person to pick what they want.

Now, while Type I is certainly the most potentially destructive type of problem, Type II creates it's own list of problems. Couples have been known to starve to death because neither individual is willing to make a final decision as to where to eat. Sure, everyone will list possible places to eat, but no one will list what their actual choice is.

Enter the geek solution. I decided that the best way for us to make a decision was simply for us not to decide. I remembered that Excel had a random number generator, perfect for selecting from a list of inputs. Due to my mad Excel skills (it's probably how I do 75% of my work under normal circumstances), I whipped up a (nicely formatted) sheet that could randomly select from a manually entered list of restaurants. We even later came up with ways to segment the list (Bad, Healthy, Formal, Informal) depending on what we feel like eating.

Now, whenever we can't decide (which is pretty much whenever we decide on going out), we consult the list. We each get one chance to re-roll, but after that, the decision is final

So good bye Type II. . .. my geek powers have proven too much for thee. Now on to the next issue: the "What Should We Do Tonight" problem. Excel spreadsheet no. 2 is on its way.

Rant 1.0: Whatever Happened to the Skinny Geeks?

Consider this the first in what I'm sure will be many rants about the modern "gaming" community and their stereotypes/problems.

I remember back in the 80's and even much of the 90's when the prototypical "computer geek" was developed: often small, anti-social, skinny, meek, bespectacled, and generally un-opinionated (unless it was something that related to computers). Often of a pale countnance and thin frame due to their general disdain for the outdoors and exercise, starving themselves in persuit of their passion. That is the kind of mental image that used to appear whenever I heard someone mention a computer geek (although in reality the image applied to very few).

As we've moved further and further into so called "modern times" I've found that image to change rather drastically. Where my mental geeks were once meek and un-opinionated, they are now brash, arrogant, and self righteous. Where once there were skinny weaklings, I now see overweight hulks. Once anti-social individuals who kept almost exclusively to themselves, now they spread snarky comments and vitriolic invective to any who would listen (and many who don't want to). Worst of all, I fear that the newer image of the stereotypical computer geek holds true significantly more often in reality than the prototypical image ever did.

So why the big change? There's one easy thing to blame: the internet. On the internet you never have to meet anyone face to face, so you can be as obnoxious and as opinionated as you want. You can insult someone repeatedly in the harshest fashion possible and face minimal if any real consequences. Computers and the internet were once on the fringe of the public interest; now they're an integral portion of mainstream social activity, and some of the geeks appear to consider themselves the lord and ruler of this new world.

And then there's this: Everquest to offer Pizza Delivery via an In-game function. That's right, they don't even have to pick up the phone to order pizza, that would be too much effort. No wonder obesity is on the rise.

Personally, I think blaming the internet is pointing the finger in the wrong direction. It's just a facillitator in the overall process that's all to easy to blame. The true source, however, lies in the individuals and their upbringing as children.

As I see it, the internet is an easy out for parent's who have anti-social children. After all, a child who locks his/herself away to play videogames all the time is much easier to deal with than one that argues all the time about getting exercise or doing things with other people. So, rather than address the problem, parent's foster it. Now I'm certain this is an oversimplification of the problem, and it definitely doesn't apply to everyone, but I think it happens way more often than it should. Worst of all, it's almost like the dark side in Star Wars, once you start down the path, it's almost impossible to turn back.

Now before anyone starts accusing me of living in a glass house, yes I do consider myself both a gamer, and a bit of a computer geek. The difference is, I have plenty of things that are much more important to me than my computer. I have a dog, a cat, and a girlfriend, who are all very important to me. I run in several types of races. I love to ride my mountain bike or my road bike. Most importantly however, I have parents who just happen to be the best parents on Earth.

Now I am not obtuse enough an individual to see myself as being immune from such issues as I described above. I am well aware of the fact that I have the innate potential in me to become one of the types of people who I so recently disparaged. However, thanks to my parents and the way I was raised, I need never fear such things. When I was a child my parents limited my access to both the computer and the television. They enrolled me in activities that helped me develop both socially and mentally like Boy Scouts, and Summer Camp. They took me and my sisters on multiple hiking and camping trips. They encouraged me to participate in almost every sport at least once, including signing me up for what would eventually become my favorite sport: running. But most importantly, through it all they were always there to offer support and to take a positive role in whatever I was doing.

Now when I started this whole rant, it was meant to be about corporate america encouraging the anti-social and addictive properties of things like Ever-crack. However, in thinking about the issue, I realized that the only reason corporations are able to make "victims" out of so many people is because the bad habits that are being encouraged were allowed to develop in the first place. If people's interest in things other than computers were more actively (and continually) fostered as a child, perhaps they would be more likely to maintain a level of balance in their lives. More importantly, if parents maintain an active roll in their children's lives, their children are much more likely to develop positively. After all, it appears to have worked for me.

Soylent Somethings

So this is a discussion that took place between my friend Tim (who I hadn't talked to for more than a year). We'd been discussing what everyone was up to for work. . .. Tim was in the process of explaining what he does, while I was griping about what I do. . .

[23:30] illybunn: and to think. . . I make plastic for food packaging
[23:30] illybunn: life changing stuff that it is

[23:30] Tim: it's kinda funny, because it's basically a software development platform, so you write software using the software we wrote
[23:30] Tim: yeah, good times
[23:30] Tim: heym, if that plastic shit doesn't work, people die!

[23:31] illybunn: nah. . . they just have stale potato chips

[23:31] Tim: ah. well, it was a good try

[23:31] illybunn: well. . . then the higher ups at Frito might start throwing people into the friers. . . but thats an unrelated circumstance

[23:31] Tim: yeah
[23:32] Tim: mm. chips.

[23:32] illybunn: mmmm. . . people chips

I kid you not, we typed the next two lines at the exact same time:

[23:32] illybunn: fried soylent green

[23:32] Tim: fritos is people!

[23:32] Tim: yikes

[23:32] illybunn: that was scary. . .

I lived with this man in college for a year. Since college, I've seen him (in person) maybe three or four times. . . and e-mailed him a total of less than 10 times (that's in almost six years). Some people you'll just always be close to I guess (regardless of the time and distance). . . . . with Tim, I think that frightens me. (just kidding dude)

Photo-what?

Here is a picture of Nikko (when he was younger) after I have made some significant tinkering with Photoshop.

I must apologize up front for what I'm sure will be the unnecessary amount of extraneous stuff which will be thrown onto the page for the first few days. I'm still trying to explore both how to maximize the functionality of blogger and what exactly this website/software is capable of. As a result, you'll probably see a lot of random things like the picture above.

Now, to explain the picture itself a little bit. Nikko is my cat. He is a cute cat. He was an even cuter kitten. Thankfully, I had a fully functional digital camera for much of his youth, and I was able to gather a sizable collection of pictures and movies. Since then, in an attempt to create some nostalgia, I have been trying to put together a collection of what I consider to be the quintisential collection of images.

Now I think a significant part of why I became an engineer is that I have an inate drive to tinker with things. This covers most aspects of life for me, but is most prevalent with computers. Photoshop, as it stands, is the tinkerer's best friend (or worst enemy, depending on your view). My tinkering has (from time to time) yielded things of semi-artistical value, or so they present themselves in my limited view. As such, rather than discard them (as I do with most other tinkering), I will actually archive these items. The picture above is one such example.

In other words: be prepared to see a lot of crap which I attempt to pass off as art.

What happens when I play around with photoshop 

And so it begins. . . .

For a long time I have toyed with the idea of using various forms of blogging. From when I first started working with HTML and creating my own web page, to when I expanded upon such knowledge and ran my own web/ftp server. Suffice it to say, I have never been good at updating despite various systems, promises, and schemes (all of which amounted to a whole heaping pile of nothing).

So here's to the next new venture. Will the lack of need to do any actual coding help me be more effective at updating?. .. . I doubt it. . . Yet I will remain cautiously optimistic. Promises made = 0, and for now that's the way it will stay. Maybe that's the secret I've been missing all along.