Chicken Choices

I'm going to say it now, where there will be a public record of it: I will never EVER try McDonald's new "Chicken Selects" voluntarily.

First of all, I feel like punishing McDonald's for those obnoxious "stay away from my chicken selects" commercials (specifically the office ones, although the whole lot of 'em should be burned). If I ever meet the actor who starred in those commercials I will knock him flat out, I kid you not. He took a scripted role that was already bordering on violence inducing annoyance and exacerbated the issue with his poorly feined love for those amorphous lumps of "chicken". I've seen people pretending to be bad actorts who are better actors than him.

Aside from the bad acting, the premise of the commercials is rediculous. Who honestly defends their fast food products with such vigor? First of all, if you work in an office environment where people regularly steal your lunch, you've got a separate problem (one that involves a violent resolution IMHO, nothing deserves a beat down like stealing someone else's food). Second, if you're going to proclaim publicly that everyone should stay away from them, you can be damn sure everyone is going to try to take them from you. I know that in my office environment you'd be likely to find all of your 'oh so important' chicken selects tacked to the ceiling tiles.

However, while the commercials were enough to turn me off to MickyD's new synthetic food product, I have a more sufficient (and paranoid) reason for avoiding them. Quite frankly, the incessant tv commercials, ad campaigns, and other publicity work for the 'selects' has me thinking there's something nefariously wrong with them. Have you ever seen an ad campaign that was so actively pushed for a single food product? I've certainly seen campaigns for brands, restaurants, and other similar large scale items with this level of activity. . . . I've also seen ad campaigns for new food products at your favorite chain restaurant. . . . . but never have I seen this kind of large scale marketing for something that is only one item on what is a relatively large array of menu selections. In other words, I think they're putting something in the chicken selects.

What the nature is of the addition, I do not know. However, I feel that it is either something that is in some way rediculously addicting (a one shot and you're hooked type of item), or some sort of "seed" item that will eventually allow McD's to turn you into a mindless consumer zombie at some point. The free trial campaign only provides further credence to both of these theories.

As of yet, I do not know of any personal friends who have actually consumed any of these items and I have therefore been unable to ascertain which of the above theories is more likely. I do know that if one of them ever does turn into some sort of drooling 'selects' zombie, I'll be the first to provide the merciful shotgun blast to the head. It's the least I can do as a good friend.