Now Better Written

So today I noticed an interesting thing while perusing the vending machine at work (peruse is all I can do, as I'm trying to eat well and there is nothing healthy in that machine). According to the bag, Doritos are "Now Better Tasting!" Seeing this really got my dendrites firing (big props to my 7th grade English teacher!).

First of all, how can something universally taste better? I always felt the phrase 'it's a matter of taste' implied that taste is a subjective item, not something that can be viewed objectively. The only improvement I could see where one could universally say something was better tasting is if you took something poisonous, and removed the poison (and then maybe the goths would complain). I guess that's one way they could have made them better, lord knows that cheese powder they coat the chips with is corrosive enough.

Assuming they did actually manage to improve the taste, how did they manage to do so? Were they holding out on us before, only gradually increasing the good taste so they could keep sales up? If they keep improving the taste, will they eventually reach a best taste? A Shangri-la of cheese flavored tortilla chips? Does the universe implode/explode if this chip singularity is created? Maybe Frito-Lay is just holding out in the interest of saving our lives?

What do I honestly think they did? I think they increased the MSG content to even higher levels. That's right, like most Frito-Lay products, Doritos contain MSG, a fact I was only made aware of recently. Lovely stuff, MSG. . . makes your taste buds swell up!

Frankly, I think I'll stay away from these new chips. After all, they might actually be better tasting, and then I'll just have to eat more of them.