Perpetual Pets

I think I've stumbled upon an amazing discovery, a new infinite energy source just waiting to be harnessed. I need to work out a couple of kinks as far as determining what's the best way to actually obtain the energy, but I'm sure that will come in time. I'm talking of course about the power of pet hair.

Now theoretically, no pet should be able to produce any more fur than the amount of food and water that they consume. However, as many of you pet owners already know, pets are walking violations of the laws of physics. Somehow they manage to produce fur at a 10:1 ratio to the food that they consume. I should know, I feed them every day, and therefore am well aware of how much food they've managed to consume. Somehow 50lbs worth of animal (two cats and a dog) manage to generate around 2 tons worth of hair. I've converted a riding lawn mower into a house vaccum and I still have to empty the bag three times just to do the top floor of the house.

People who currently own multiple pets or have owned several different pets can also attest to the broad array of "vintages" of pet hair available. The three pets I have are kind enough to provide me with three different "vintages" of fur. Freya, the crazy dog, supplies long thin hair in both the black and white varieties, ensuring that no outfit will be safe from it's wrath. It does, however, have the decency to ball itself up into little dust bunnies rather readily, making cleanup easy enough. Silas, the "feed me!" cat, leaves very thick brown and tan striped fur EVERYWHERE. Seriously, if you don't like cat hair, stay away from him because if you fall within a 5 ft. radius of him: Bang! Insta-Fur coating. Nikko, the "climber" cat, leaves these fine orange striped hairs, but only in small quantities. However, they're so fine that they're impossible to just brush off of any clothing, it takes large swaths of duct tape to get any of this stuff off.

Pet fur is just one of those things you have to get used to if you want to be an animal owner. Unless you're a fan of one of those ugly hairless things, you learn to deal. Sometimes you question why you would ever want to put up with it, but then your cat climbs up into your lap, starts purring, and almost immediately falls asleep in the cutest pose possible. Which is all well and good. . . .
. . . until you need to use the restroom.