Now Better Written

So today I noticed an interesting thing while perusing the vending machine at work (peruse is all I can do, as I'm trying to eat well and there is nothing healthy in that machine). According to the bag, Doritos are "Now Better Tasting!" Seeing this really got my dendrites firing (big props to my 7th grade English teacher!).

First of all, how can something universally taste better? I always felt the phrase 'it's a matter of taste' implied that taste is a subjective item, not something that can be viewed objectively. The only improvement I could see where one could universally say something was better tasting is if you took something poisonous, and removed the poison (and then maybe the goths would complain). I guess that's one way they could have made them better, lord knows that cheese powder they coat the chips with is corrosive enough.

Assuming they did actually manage to improve the taste, how did they manage to do so? Were they holding out on us before, only gradually increasing the good taste so they could keep sales up? If they keep improving the taste, will they eventually reach a best taste? A Shangri-la of cheese flavored tortilla chips? Does the universe implode/explode if this chip singularity is created? Maybe Frito-Lay is just holding out in the interest of saving our lives?

What do I honestly think they did? I think they increased the MSG content to even higher levels. That's right, like most Frito-Lay products, Doritos contain MSG, a fact I was only made aware of recently. Lovely stuff, MSG. . . makes your taste buds swell up!

Frankly, I think I'll stay away from these new chips. After all, they might actually be better tasting, and then I'll just have to eat more of them.

Discussion Topic For The Day

While I have a few minutes to drop a post down. . ..

So today we were discussing some general work related stuff (honest, I swear!) when the topic of a specific coworker of mine came up. Now I refer to said coworker as my arch nemesis, not because I interact with him on a regular basis, or wish him any harm. . . I just hate him with every bone in my body. Succinct version: he's a pretentious jerk who doesn't know anywhere near as much as he thinks he does, but still thinks he knows more than anyone else.

Regardless, upon mentioning my arch nemesis, the discussion quickly turned to questioning what is the plural form of nemesis? Nemesi? Nemeses? People I Hate? (I later looked it up, and it's nemeses, which is nowhere near as much fun as saying nemesi).

In the usual fashion of our conversations here, we went off in another tangent (our convesations meander like a drunken sailor during an earthquake, i.e. they normally fall into the gutter) about whether or not you would even need the plural of nemesis when talking about an Arch Nemesis.

Josh, in a moment of utter geekdom, made the argument that you could have multiple arch nemeses because Batman did. I told him he was a $#%^ing moron because you can't have more than one Arch Nemesis, hence the arch. Besides, everyone knows the Joker was Batman's Arch Nemesis. I swear. . . the people I work with.

Urge To Kill Rising!

I currently have like 15 different things that I want to post about, but work has decided to foil any such attempts at being unproductive. In fact, my job has been so efficient about it, I don't even have time to make a post AT HOME! Seriously though, once I get this awfully interesting presentation on extrusion completed (presenting the whole thing tomorrow), I will hopefully have enough time to write something more than complaining about what to write.

Here's a lovely sample of the diagrams I have to create for my presentation:

Pretty, isn't it?

Flying High-Five of Death!

Awesome, that's all I can say, just awesome. Here is the general log of my evening including photos and side comments:

Joe (who, from here on out, will be referred to as David Wells, my traveling buddy for the night) and I have jumped on the Red-Line at Quincy Adams (not Quincy Center, this will be important later) and are inbound to Fenway. Notice how thrilled Wells looks that he's going to another sox game:


Walking with the rest of the crowd on Commonwealth Ave. I kid you not, we had to have passed at least 30 guys trying to scalp/buy tickets, each of a varrying degree of skeeze (ranging from Boston-Tough-Guy to Crazy-homeless-looking-man). I thought about asking how much they'd pay for Green Monster tickets just to find out what their rates were. However, I feared if I even mentioned such a thing they would beat the crap out of me just to get them, so I stayed quiet.


After grabbing a quick bite, we made our way up the Green Monster seats in time to watch TB's batting practice. The view was absolutely incredible (the camera simply cannot do it justice). Regardless of how the game plays out, David Wells and I had already agreed that it was worth the price of admission.


During the batting practice, some of the TB players were doing a pretty good job of peppering the monster with shots. True story: the little girl in the picture below was nearly killed right in front of me. One of the TB players hit a bomb that headed right for us, specifically right for that cute little girl's head. No less than two inches from her head her father caught the ball with his bare hands with his arms on each side of her. The wierdest thing was that she didn't so much as flinch, just smiled and giggled. It was cute and mildly horrifying at the same time. Also notice how thrilled David Wells is to be at the game.


Quick shot taken before the game got underway. It got freakin' freezin' up there by the end of the night (definitely below freezing with wind chill) so I was definitely glad Kerri made me bring along my ($3 at Old Navy) hoodie. With the hood up and my hat on, as David Wells put it: "You look like the Unibomber". There was even a cop hanging around right behind me near the end of the game. I ooze "suspicious".


The picture just cannot capture how close Manny seemed, just imagine this picture covering the majority of your field of view. Manny was awesome throughout the whole game. He ran out to left field with that big goofy smile of his, waved in a friendly fashion to the fans that were calling his name, and just seemed to all around be having a blast.


Speaking of blasts, his first two run shot went right over our heads and into the parking lot behind us (just narrowly missing the jeep in the bottom right hand corner of the picture. Despite the fact that the ball was probably ten feet over our head, about five different guys called up their friends on their cell phones and tried to convince them that they'd caught the home run ball. After his grand slam, I decided to revise my "Death From Above" plan of attack on the Devil Rays left fielder. Instead, I decided I would carry out the "Flying High-Five of Death" jumping off the Green Monster to give Manny a big old high five on my way down. Instant sport history for one of those "50 Most Bizarre Moments in Sports" highlight reels.


It was about this point in the night that I noticed the opposite field score board had the following message displayed between innings: "Welcome to Fenway Park, Home of the Boston Red Sox". Now maybe I'm being obtuse, but I have a hard time believing that anyone who made it to the game, and was sitting in Fenway, would be under the impression that it was the home of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. I could be mistaken. However, if they'd said home of the "World Champion Boston Red Sox", I would have understood it. I still get little shivers of joy whenever anyone says that phrase.

So it's a freezing cold night in the middle of a pretty strong breeze, what snack would you ask for if you were a spoiled 9 year old boy? Why ice cream of course! While I can understand the desire to have the lovely souvenir plastic helmet, how can you handle eating ice cream without having been warmed by the consumption of vast quantities of alcohol (like the guy wandering around in a polo shirt and flip-flops all night)?


I love fenway park. Standing on top of the green monster made me realize just how much I love it, how proud I am that my team plays in the oldest park in baseball. I don't really care that much about the ticket costs, or the uncomfortable seating, or the lack of extra comforts. I simply cannot imagine the Red Sox playing anywhere else, it just wouldn't be the same team. So Red Sox owners: do whatever you want to increase seating capacity, amenities, or whatever else you want. Just make sure our team continues to play in Fenway for a long long time to come.

Green With. . . .

Three words for you:

Green

Monster

Seats

Well, it's actually more Green Monster Step (standing room only), but who am I to complain. My roommate lucked out with the RSN drawings, so we managed to get tickets (at only $25 a pop) for tomorrow's game.

Bad News: It's the Devil Rays

Good News: It's the Devil Rays. If I want a good chance of catching a Home Run ball (hit by a Red Sox Player), the Devil Rays are one of my best chances. Looking at Brazelton's history against the red sox, my chances are even better: 12H and 3HR in only 25AB. That means even if he lasts only 4 or 5 innings, I still am likely to see a couple shots headed into the stands. Regardless, I certainly plan on enjoying myself. . . maybe even a little too much to combat the cold weather. However, I don't plan on jumping (falling) onto the field in an attempt to assault Carl Crawford, even though that bastard has it coming. . .. I kid, I kid.

I'll try to snap a couple pictures with the cell phone. I'm tempted to try and smuggle in my camera, but with the reports of pat downs and searches, I may belay that. Let you know how it went on Sunday (since I have to spend all day at work anyways).

Quickies

So there's been more than enough to write about over the past couple of weeks. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to write one bit about anything because it turns out the "promotion" is equitable with "negative free time". Therefore, since I made it into work a little bit early, I'm going to try and shotgun out some of my general blog thoughts from the past week or so.

#1 Why is it that men that decide to use the stalls to urinate insist on doing so ON the seat? It's as if they think the seat is actually a targeting ring, and they all have really bad aim. Honestly, you don't even have to touch the seat, just lift it with your foot. Ladies, this is one problem I seriously hope don't have to deal with.

#2 One of the reasons I love watching baseball is because it's very easy to stop watching a game if you don't want to (with the exception of most play-off games). If I'm watching a game, and it starts becoming a blow out (or just too painful to watch) I can switch to something else without feeling like I'm missing something big. Football, on the other hand, every game is much more crucial, so I feel like a failure if I (A) miss the game, or (B) don't watch the whole thing.

#3 I've come to the realization that I really like rice noodles. . . specifically vermicelli.

#4 I'm sure it doesn't make me the nicest person out there, but I'm glad that both Terri and the Pope are dead. I'm glad about Terri because it means the system worked, despited congress' best effort to demolish separation of powers, and it means she's no longer pointlessly wasting away. I'm glad about the Pope because (A) I think he was suffering a lot, and (B) I was getting worried that if he had stayed around for a lot longer, he would have started becoming senile and make potentially troublesome edicts (instead, he appeared to be rather lucid until the end).

#5 John Stewart continues to be one of the most watchable people on television. The Daily Show did a re-run last night of the show they ran after Congress voted to move Terri's case to the federal courts. I'd never seen it before, but it went almost point for point with what I'd said about the whole legal issue (and the general atypical republican actions). One thing I didn't realize was that it was the first time Bush had come off of his vacation to sign a bill. If you can ever find the episode, definitely one of the best they've had.

#6 Dill & Sour Cream Krinkle Cut Kettle Chips are the spawn of Satan. Not because they're bad tasting, but because they have a fiendishly addictive flavor. Their Jalapeno with Tequila & Lime is only fractionally less addictive, but I feel borders on the same level of malevolence. Even their label is evil:

Now, that may look like he's cooking up some kettle chips, but he's really slaving over a vat of boiling human flesh.

#7 I am right now, at this very moment (redundant, I know), putting off work to write this sentence, and I don't even feel guilty about it. . . . . . . Okay, maybe a tinge.

#8 I think the world would be a much happier place if their were more Bowling Alleys and less Gun Shops.