Is It An Evil Petting Zoo?

Beware Its Hell-Spawned Power

Do you believe much in luck, either good or bad? I'm not a big luck person myself, but at the same time I find myself often times paying close attention to the clothes I wear or the routine I follow and their direct result on the outcome of a sporting event. I don't adhere to anything specific, but I do find myself wondering about luck in general from time to time. However, if I did believe in luck, I would be thoroughly convinced that my new Element is a giant box of bad luck.

To provide some substantiation to my point, allow me to provide a laundry list of 'activities' that have happened since I bought my E on July 9th:

1 - Sunday, July 10th - The day after I bought my E, Freya was killed by a hit and run driver.

2 - Sunday, September 4th - While driving my car up to Wrentham to go shopping a rock (seemingly from nowhere) struck and cracked my windshield.

3 - Sunday, September 4th - Driving through downtown Providence at night, a Honda Acura ran a stop sign and drove directly into my passenger front tire, putting the Element in an undrivable condition (bent the wheel and snapped the lower control arm). Kerri strained her neck during the incident, but has recovered since then. Note: As of 10/19 the accident report from the Providence Police STILL isn't complete.

4 - Thursday, September 22nd - Literally less than 24 hours after getting my car back from the first accident, an individual rear ends me while I was stopped at a stop sign. Apparently he leaned back to take care of his daughter in the back seat and hit the gas pedal instead of the brake. Why his wife (who was in the front passenger seat) couldn't lean back to take care of the child I will never know.

5 - Tuesday, October 18th - While sitting at my desk at work, a coworker calls me up to report I have a flat rear passenger side tire. Sure enough, when I go out to check I find my tire mostly deflated, and a screw stuck in the tread. Luckily I had a compressor with me, so I was able to pump the tire up enough to make it to one of the local tire shops. I had to wait two and a half hours to get the tire patched, but at least they didn't screw it up.

So everyone at work is convinced that my car is cursed, and who am I to blame them. Several people have told me I should just sell it and start over, but there's that small problem of a car loan, and the fact that there is no way I'm going to be able to ask full price for the car. . . especially not if anyone pulls up the accident history.

The other issue is that, quite frankly, I love this car. I'd wanted an Element pretty much ever since a coworker of mine pointed out all of the lovely little features it had relative to the price it cost. Once I researched it a little bit more, I realized it was the perfect vehicle for me. It is quite possibly one of the most utilitarian vehicles I have ever seen with tons of little design tweaks that make it a true all purpose vehicle. The only tragic thing about the E was that my original justification for buying it was to take Freya camping with us as it was the perfect vehicle to take a dog along in.

My favorite features:

• One piece rubberized flooring (instead of carpet) - The floor of the E is insanely easy to clean out. While you can't hose it out (as some people have suggested), you can easily clean it with a swiffer wet. I added an extra layer of all weather floor mats that have little lips on them to hold all the water and dirt in.
• 'Suicide' doors - The complete lack of a pillar in the middle of the side doors also makes it really easy to load things in and out of the vehicle from the side.
• The rear seats - Aside from having their own cupholders, having adjustable backs, and having a rubberized, stain resistant surface, the seats also fold flat, to the side, or can be removed. The design of them is shear genious, and I've used the 'fold up' feature several times in the few months I've owned the E.
• Clamshell tailgate - the back of the E opens more like a jeep or a truck than like a minivan, even though it has the interior height of a minivan. The tailgate makes it easy to open the back hatch, and not have everything come tumbling out of the back. Add in the cargo tray that was a dealer installed option, and the back of the E is both roomy, and easy to keep clean.
• Head space - this is quite simply the roomiest vehicle I have ever ridden in that is smaller than a bus. There is almost a foot between the top of my head and the roof, and I am not a short person. This is the first thing that most people comment on their first time riding in the E. It's even more obvious in the back seats, which have a 'stadium seating' type of height difference from the front seats.
• The Engine - Not only does it come in a manual transmission (a must for me), the 4-cylinder engine puts out ~180HP at relatively good fuel economy. I get 24mpg on average, which is downright stingy for an all wheel drive vehicle of the Element's size.

Basically the E is designed perfectly for the three types of activities I got it for: Camping, Biking, and trips to Ikea (moving). I've used it for all three, and I don't think there's another vehicle that would have performed as well in all areas (price, fuel economy, power, utility).

So it will remain to be seen just how Evil the E truly is, but I have a feeling even if it continues along it's current trend I'll probably put up with it. I think my love for the car might blind me to the fact that I'm being abused.

I'm Not Quite Dead Yet

First of all, the obligatory 'I don't update frequently enough, therefore, I suck'.

Now that's out of the way, can we continue?

You ever have one of those days that seems like it is never going to end there is so much crap going on, but then that day turns into a week, and then the week becomes a month? Well I'm on month number two of that. So, a quick synopsis of things:

September:
-Got into a car accident, twice. The second accident happened within one day of getting my car back from the prior accident (neither was my fault). In the entire month of September, I only had my car for 5 days. My poor car is only two months old and I've already had more true accidents in it than I did in six years of owning my Civic.

-Participated in 'The Flattest Century In The East' (which it technically isn't), a bicycle ride of approximately 100 miles. Unfortunately my knee gave out around mile 35, but I tried to ride it out for another 35 miles before deciding that the blinding pain was not in fact going to go away. Kerri, on the other hand, finished the whole ride in pretty good shape.

-Attended a Red Sox game (the game Manny won on a walk off Hit By Pitch)

-Participated in Kerri's Mom's Wedding. Managed to avoid getting drunk despite a strong compulsion to do so on several occasions.

-Traveled to Japan for a business trip for one week. Spent two days in Tokyo (Awesome!) and another two in Tsuchiura (sort of a suburb of Tokyo. . . that's 30-40 miles from Tokyo center). Spent a total of almost three days traveling to and from Japan, staying awake for more than 24 hours while traveling both directions.

October:
-Mad a trip to Canada to visit my parents. It rained almost the entire time we were there, so the majority of the trip was spent inside, reading books. Relaxing, but not the most exciting way to spend one's time. Kerri came as well, and was even more bored than I was.

-Worked this weekend. It was one of the worst weekends I've worked in more than a year, with things pretty much running horribly all weekend long.

(upcoming)
-Running (walking?, limping?) a half marathon in North Conway New Hampshire. Hopefully the weather cooperates.

-Theoretically we have the weekend before Halloween free, but I'm getting the distinct feeling that since no one we know is stepping up to the plate to host a party, it will probably be us (which is no big deal. . . Kerri and I have plenty of experience, and lots of left over party favors from parties in the past).

So yeah. . . busy busy. I'm sure I'm forgetting things, but my brain is so addled right now I can't really recall them.

I have some pictures from Japan, and I want to write some things about my car, so yeah. . . maybe I'll actually update some more this week. Stranger things have happened.

Mid Morning Mumblings

When I say mid-morning I am referring to the chronological morning, as opposed to the actual rising of the sun. This would of course be because I have the joy of working nights a few days this week, tonight being the first such night. Nothing like a long night of minimal happenings to finally get me to post something.

About that - I've obviously been away for a while. I kind of took a step away from things for a while after recent events. I've certainly been around, and I've even had things to say, but just haven't really had the drive to put anything down on paper (in the purely digital sense). I think this was partially due to wanting to let my last post run its course for a little bit, and partially due to my general inability to coalesce my thoughts into any kind of cohesive form.

Honestly, that's always been a bit of my problem. I've never been able to type things in a 'stream of consciousness' fashion. This is something that has always been frustrating to me, especially when it comes to things like blogging. I'm good for a quick snippet of a thought, but any long or drawn out analysis usually takes a painstaking amount of time for me to complete. My blogger editing page is littered with numerous half finished posts for which I either ran out of time, or my train of thought derailed.

I sometimes wonder if it's a case of my brain being slightly miswired when compared with others. Things can make complete sense in my head, and I can explain things perfectly to myself, but I often have a horrible time explaining things to other people, and I sincerely doubt that it's anyone's fault but mine. The best I ever did in any class I have taken was 9th grade geometry: 102% was my final score for the class. The entire class was nothing but doing different geometric proofs, and the teacher was completely anal retentive about how they should be done, but it all came extremely easily to me. Conversely, it made almost no sense to other people in the class, including some of the most logically minded people I have ever met. This gave me the impression that something in the way my brain works is not quite right. However, trying to say that I'm somehow different from everyone else sounds elitist, and I really am not sure that it's true.

I feel kind of stuck in the middle sometimes. While I am well aware that I'm generally better at logical thought than I am at creative thought, I still don't think I'm an entirely logical person. I am not a good artist, I can't really sing, the only dance move I can do effectively is to skank (skank: A rhythmic dance performed to reggae or ska music, characterized by bending forward, raising the knees, and extending the hands), and any poetry I might try to write invariably ends up being Shel Silverstein in iambic pentameter. I'm good at debate, I'm good with math and science, I can pick up almost any piece of reasonably designed technology and start using it without any need for instruction, and I easily work my way through almost anything on a computer (especially if it's in Excel). By all signs I should be a 100% logically minded, follow the straight and narrow, set in stone type of person. . . but I'm not.

I'm good at debate because I can usually argue my opponents' points as well or better than they can, which IMO requires a certain bit of mental flexibility. I do my best work in math or science in coming up with new ways to approach a problem, often times using a creative method to simplify an overly complex task.

Then there's my sense of humor. Often times it's a little. . .well. . .off. I am most amused with myself when doing or saying things that are for the most part entirely non-sensical. Sometimes it's actually funny, sometimes it's downright weird, but it's pretty much always amusing to me. I have a degree of witty off the cuff humor that I'm happy with, and for the most part I don't think it's over the top or in any way intrusive. Bah, I'm starting to sound pretentious.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I think my brain is way too fast for my fingers. By the time I've finished typing the first sentence in a paragraph, my brain had already moved on to the next paragraph. It's like I have A.D.D. with my own thoughts! Just look at the paragraphs above for reference. . . there's no obvious flow there. It's bad enough when I'm speaking, and it's probably why I often have a hard time explaining things to people. It gets significantly worse when I try to type it out. . . there's just no good way for me to maintain the flow of words in any kind of semblance of organized thought.

So does anyone out there have any special secrets to help with blogging? I'd love to update more regularly, it's not like I don't have any thoughts I want to put down. I just hate the length of time it generally takes me to complete any of my friggin posts. It takes me no time to think of it, why must it take so long to write it out?

Of course, it doesn't help that I'm trying to write this in the wee hours of the morning when running almost exclusively on Mt. Dew. I thought about responding to a DCR (document change request), but all I could think of as an effective response was "I hate you! I hate you! Die! Die! Die!" which is a little extreme, but not far from my honest thoughts regarding the individual who sent me the DCR in the first place.

Loss

Freya "Fuzzbucket" Nunn - Best Friend and Trusted Companion
2002-2005

I've never thought anything would hurt like this. I've always considered myself to be a rather tough and callous person when it comes to dealing with death, having rarely showed any significant response in the past. Now, however, I can't stop breaking down into tears.

Last night Freya, the dog whom I raised since she was a tiny little puppy, was hit by a car and killed.

I don't entirely know what happened last night. At some point during the evening, she was whining to go out, so I put her invisible fence collar on her, and let her outside. I don't know if the collar was on too loose, if the batteries were dead, or if she somehow just managed to run right through it, but Freya made it past the fence to the state highway at the end of the driveway.

It was sometime after I'd let her out that I noticed that she hadn't started howling to be let back in (her normal habit). I went down the front door, because sometimes she'll just sit outside the door waiting to be let in, but she wasn't there. I started calling for her, figuring she might have found a frog wandering around the yard, or she might have been checking out the tent we set up the night before. Normally she would come running, but nothing. I started to panic. I grabbed the flash light, and started wandering around the yard and the neighboring areas, to see if she'd wandered off somehow, calling her name loudly the whole time. I walked to the end of the driveway, looking accross the street to see if she was over there trying to mess around with the neighbor's dog (which I had seen her do once before), but I could see nothing.

I decided to walk back to my car to take that out on a search for her, hoping I'd find her running along the highway somewhere, and I would be able to coax her back into the car she loved to ride in. As I was getting the keys for the car, I heard a loud thump from one of the cars that was speeding by (which never slowed down) and I feared the worst.

I pulled out of the driveway, and hadn't gone more than 20 feet before I saw something in the road. I prayed it was a skunk or a racoon, or pretty much anything but what it actually was. I quickly pulled my car off to the side of the road in a rather shoddy fashion, the back end still sticking out into the road partially, turned it off, but left the headlights on. I walked into the road, I don't think I even bothered to see if any traffic was coming, and found the badly mangled corpse of the dog I knew and loved.

I knew she was dead, and in someways I was glad for that. I would have hated to have found her in a barely alive state, to have seen her in any kind of suffering. However, at the same time I would have given anything for there to be even a chance that she could be brought back, however slim a chance there was. . . just so that I could try something to fix this.

I picked her up, unable to believe how light she was, and entirely uncaring to the blood I was getting all over me. I carried her all the way home, cradled against my chest, howling in sorrow. Looking back, it all seems so surreal, like some moment out of a poorly acted movie. . . and I wish it was. I gently set her down in the front yard, went inside, cleaned my bloody hands, and then called Kerri.

I felt so horrible, waking Kerri up with news like this, but at the same time I knew I needed her support and her help because I was completely helpess as to what to do. My already broken heart shattered when I heard her voice change from groggy questions to howling sorrow. She promised she would be on her way immediately, and get home as soon as possible.

Kerri felt the loss just as sharply as me, if not more so. I got Freya within a couple of weeks of when Kerri and I started dating, and Kerri was the one who found out about the litter of puppies from which I would select Freya. Our love for animals was one of the things that Kerri and I shared, and Freya was often times the glue that kept our relationship together. Whenever things got rough between us, we were both reminded of how much we loved Freya, and how neither of us could stand the idea of being without her. Freya strengthened our relationship by loving us back twice as strongly as we loved her, and she put Kerri and I above all others, including herself.

So I waited out in front of the house for the 30-40 minutes it took Kerri to come by. Covered in blood and completely out of my mind, I kept wondering about the what ifs: What if I'd just come out and played frisbee with her?, What if I had come out looking for her sooner? What if she was actually still alive when I went to the end of the driveway the first time and I missed the chance to save her because I didn't look far enough to the right?. The worst of it was, I couldn't even shed a tear. I wanted to cry so bad it was killing me, but nothing was coming out.

I called into work and left some voice mail messages explaining why I wouldn't be in the next day. I called my boss because it was obligatory, and I called one of my friends who has several animals of her own, whom I knew would empathize. Shortly thereafter Kerri showed up and I can only imagine what a horrific sight I must have been. It wasn't until she got out of the car and came towards me that the tears began to flow. . . . .

. . . . .and flown they have, on and off since that instant. Kerri helped me put Freya away, we said our good byes and put her in the back of the Element. That was the ultimate irony of the night. The Element, purchased just the day before, a purchase motivated by the fact that it would be a good vehicle to take the dog around with. Now, the same jet black SUV would be a hearse for my poor little puppy.

The rest of the night was spent picking up every toy and accessory of Freya's that we could find and storing it away. I came upstairs to find Kerri, who had been so strong since she showed back up at the house, with her arms full of some of Freya's favorite toys, tears streaming down her face. Each and every toy we put away had hundreds of memories attached to it, and it already felt like we were throwing away her past.

The house clean, we went to bed for a mostly sleepless night. Woke up in the morning and brought her over to the Vet that is literally right next door to where we live. The same Vet that Freya would get excited and overjoyed to visit every time we went. There were people she knew there. . . friends even. . . and it was comforting to know that at least she wasn't being handled by anonymous hands with zero emotional attachment to her. We're having her cremated, and we're going to get back the ashes. She was only three years old (her third birthday being the coming Friday, the same day as my 28th), and we need the extra bit of closure that comes from getting something back.

So now we are left to deal. Memories keep bubbling up uncontrollably, bringing bouts of tears with them. It's so hard living in this house now. We've only lived here for a year now, but she was here that entire time. I keep expecting to hear her claws scraping along the carpet as she crawls out from under the bed, or the pitter patter of her feet, as she races up or down the stairs. I keep waiting for this to end, and for things to go back to normal, but it never will.

We tried going out today, tried to get away from the house and the memories that it brings. But the drives were even worse, with nothing to do but think of her, and how much we missed her. When we came back, I walked into the house, and realized that she would never again be waiting there at the top of the stairs, tongue hanging out, wagging her tail. .. . absolutely ecstatic that we were home. I crumpled into a sobbing mess in the hallway, unable to support my own weight.

She was a wonderful dog. Never mean or aggressive, she would only bark at people as a warning "Stay away from Kerri and Will until I have a chance to check you out." She was smart, so smart that as a puppy we had no problem teaching her new tricks, and she would learn them with eager fervor, happy to be able to do what we asked. She was fast, and when she got on a tear she would rip up whole strips of sod with the force she applied while accelerating or turning. She was a troublemaker, constantly getting into things she shouldn't. But as aggravating as it was at times, I wouldn't have had it any other way. Most of all she was loving and lovable. I know Freya loved us with all of her heart, and I only wish I could see her one more time to show her that I felt the same.

Goodbye Freya, we will all miss you so much more than you ever could have known. The hole you have left in our lives is something I don't think will ever be filled, merely covered over to try and hide the emptiness.

I love you so much.
-Will

Blowing Smoke

I keep hoping that somehow things in the capitol can't continue to degrade, and then this happens.

Why on earth would the government cut the penalty they were seeking from the tobacco companies from $130 billion down to only $10 billion? Perhaps he had something to do with it:

Who else but the tobacco lobby benefits from this move? The money was not going to fund any kind of extraneous programs. The $130 billion number came from the recommendation of several scientists and officials as the necessary funding for a smoking cessation program. Now, not only is big tobacco going to be minimally penallized, there will be no programs to help people quit.

The whole case was predicated on the fact that documents and memos proved that these tobacco companies intentionally mislead the public about all the things they already knew were wrong with smoking. Therefore, it doesn't take much of a logical leap to realize that there are more smokers today then there would have been without the web of lies. Those same smokers, 95% of whom fail if they try to quit smoking, are now also without any kind of government funded cessation program. In other words, just more money back in the pockets of big tobacco.

Overall, that's one of my largest frustrations with the current regime. It seems that every time corporate profits and the public interest conflict, the corporations will win out. Arguments are often made for "the sake of the economy" as a justification for such choices, under the assumption that the public's concern for the economy in general will outweigh any individual issue. However, you tell me which you think has a more significant impact on the economy: (A) Corporate profits for big tobacco, or (B) The expenditures for all the people who's health has been detrimentally affected by smoking. Personally, I think they're all just blowing smoke.

Perpetual Pets

I think I've stumbled upon an amazing discovery, a new infinite energy source just waiting to be harnessed. I need to work out a couple of kinks as far as determining what's the best way to actually obtain the energy, but I'm sure that will come in time. I'm talking of course about the power of pet hair.

Now theoretically, no pet should be able to produce any more fur than the amount of food and water that they consume. However, as many of you pet owners already know, pets are walking violations of the laws of physics. Somehow they manage to produce fur at a 10:1 ratio to the food that they consume. I should know, I feed them every day, and therefore am well aware of how much food they've managed to consume. Somehow 50lbs worth of animal (two cats and a dog) manage to generate around 2 tons worth of hair. I've converted a riding lawn mower into a house vaccum and I still have to empty the bag three times just to do the top floor of the house.

People who currently own multiple pets or have owned several different pets can also attest to the broad array of "vintages" of pet hair available. The three pets I have are kind enough to provide me with three different "vintages" of fur. Freya, the crazy dog, supplies long thin hair in both the black and white varieties, ensuring that no outfit will be safe from it's wrath. It does, however, have the decency to ball itself up into little dust bunnies rather readily, making cleanup easy enough. Silas, the "feed me!" cat, leaves very thick brown and tan striped fur EVERYWHERE. Seriously, if you don't like cat hair, stay away from him because if you fall within a 5 ft. radius of him: Bang! Insta-Fur coating. Nikko, the "climber" cat, leaves these fine orange striped hairs, but only in small quantities. However, they're so fine that they're impossible to just brush off of any clothing, it takes large swaths of duct tape to get any of this stuff off.

Pet fur is just one of those things you have to get used to if you want to be an animal owner. Unless you're a fan of one of those ugly hairless things, you learn to deal. Sometimes you question why you would ever want to put up with it, but then your cat climbs up into your lap, starts purring, and almost immediately falls asleep in the cutest pose possible. Which is all well and good. . . .
. . . until you need to use the restroom.

Pot, Meet Kettle

So the usual explanations for lack of a post; work sucks, no free time, blah, blah, blah. Honestly, the biggest issue has been Kerri's roommate fiasco, which is going to have to be a separate Soap Opera like post.

Some of you may have already come to this conclusion, but I have a rather deep interest in politics (shocking eh?). It started back when I took debate in high school where it escalated to enormous proportions, then rappidly tapered off during the college years. Since leaving school, my interest has been slowly returning, a trend that I've found to be rapidly accelerating in the last few months. I think the growing discrepancy between where the American political climate is headed, and where I want it to be is the primary reason for my concern. (according to the political compass I am a Libertarian (politics) Left (economics) thinker, whereas G.W. is an Authoritarian Right thinker - actually I score out right about where Gandhi and Nelson Mandela are.)

My largest frustration right now is that there are just so many things to talk about right now that I don't know where to start. The American political landscape is currently full of strongly contested issues, and instead of resolving any of them, we keep jumping further and further into the conflict. The largest problem I have is that the contests are mainly about whether to maintain the status quo, or to procede down a more conservative/authoritative path. It's a strange place for America to be, as I remember 10 or so years ago, the "status quo position" belonged to the conservatives. The pendulum has indeed shifted, and it seems to be swinging even more rapidly every day.

However, there's a huge hypocrisy I see to all of this. The same leaders that are currently trying to turn the U.S. into a more authoritarian/conservative/religious nation are the same ones that decry the authoritarian/conservative/religious nations of the Middle East. The only real differences are (A) The size of the nations, (B) The economic/political/military clout of the nations, and (C) The religion in question (Islam vs. Christianity). I'm intruiged to hear a justification for the dichotomy between what our leaders are attempting to foist on the rest of the world (by force if necessary) and what they are attempting to foist on us.

I don't feign to know what the real course of action we should be taking as a nation is. However, I do know that whenever two or more people are involved, extremism in anything is going to lead to problems. I'd love to see the American public vote a more moderate legislative body into place, a legislature based on people who can think about issues intelligently and logically. Instead, politicians are becoming chosen more and more by their view on specific issues, encouraging people to vote on a compartmentalized context. "Well the canidate is for issue A, but against issue B. Issue B is more important to me, so I guess I'm voting for the other guy."

I know it's a pipe dream (and an oxymoron) but I wish we could return to rational politics.